Sinking Fast
by Hanabi Mitsu
Summary: Padma did not particularly want to go to the Yule Ball with Ron.  She had always pictured herself going with...someone else, but is that someone really who Padma wants?  Perhaps she is not the only one having this problem...


Ch. 23 THE YULE BALL

I knew of him. Of course I did. Admittedly, I had never said to words to the boy, but I don't think there was anyone at Hogwarts who didn't know of him. Ronald Weasley, Sidekick of Harry Potter…and my date to the Yule Ball. Of course, Parvati got Potter for a date. She has always been the one in the spotlight.

Whenever I imagined myself walking down the steps to the Great Hall, I had never imagined that Ronald Weasley would be the one waiting for me at the bottom. I had always Seamus waiting for me. I had waited and waited for him to ask me, but, of course, someone else had captured his attention first.

Even though I wasn't in the same house and had no classes with him, since term had started, I always seemed to run into him in the library.

There had been no empty tables, so I placed myself at the one with only one other person, Seamus, of course. At the time I really hadn't ever talked to him before, but I knew he was a fourth-year Gryffindor like Parvati.

He looked up in surprise when I sat down at his table and whispered, "Hi Parvati," in a voice, which clearly stated he disliked being at the table alone with her. After all, from an outsider, it would look as if…

"No, I'm Padma, Parvati's sister."

"Ah," he muttered and went back to his Astronomy homework.

After half an hour or so, he looked up, rather red, and murmured, "Uh, Padma, you're in Ravenclaw, right? Could you maybe help me with this?" and pushed forward an Astronomy chart.

I proceeded to help him with Astronomy, and soon we were laughing and talking about things other than homework. These study sessions soon became routine. I would always go to the library at the same time and see him sitting at the same table, patiently waiting for me to join him.

And soon, I found myself looking forward to the study sessions more and more.

I I liked him… /I 

Yes, it was certainly true that I liked him very much, but I had no idea how he felt about me.

I remember sitting in the Great Hall eating breakfast when I learned that my date was not going to be Seamus but that Ronald Weasley.

I was pushing my scrambled eggs around my plate. I wasn't really hungry. I simply couldn't believe that the Ball was so close, and Seamus still hadn't asked me. When I looked back at my eggs, I realized that they had been arranged like his face. I quickly stabbed them until they no longer resembled anything except a pile of massacred eggs.

"Padma!"

I kept my head down. It was Parvati. There was only one voice I wanted to hear.

"I have great news!" she said, shoving a few Ravenclaws out of the way and plopping herself down on the bench next to me.

"I suppose you've got yourself a date for the Ball, and now you're here to gloat about it?" I muttered, shoving a bite of egg into my mouth.

"Yes," she said, and I groaned. "But that's not why I'm here. I've come to tell you that you also have a date."

"Oh?" I looked up and tried to keep the hope out of my voice. Seamus was in her house, after all…

"Yeah, Ron Weasley."

I spit out the eggs and looked at her.

"Are you serious?" I asked, incredulous, as she daintily dabbed at the egg on her shirt.

"Of course I am! So, will you have him?"

I thought about it. I had only seen him in the corridors and heard stories about him. Never once had I ever actually spoken to him. But, still, I suppose it was an honor to be asked out, indirectly as it was, by him. I knew this might be my last chance at a date for the Ball, but I was still holding out for…

"What? Don't you want to go with him?" Parvati asked me impatiently.

"Well, I was kind of expecting someone else to ask me…" I muttered.

Her eyes lit up at this comment. "Ooh!" she squealed. "Who?"

I looked up for a moment, and then stared back down. "You'll just laugh."

"No, I won't."

I sighed. I seriously doubted that she would keep her promise, but did it really matter if she knew? "It's Seamus, okay?"

I expected giggles to erupt from her, but she remained silent. After a moment curiosity overcame me, and I looked up. Her eyes were wide in shock, and she looked suddenly regretful.

"What?"

She recovered herself slightly and said carefully, "I don't think you should wait for Seamus."

"Why not?" I asked, apprehensive now.

"Well, to start off, he's a bit of a git," she said. "And he's a horrible dancer…and he already has a date." The last part came out in a rush as if it could come out so quickly I wouldn't be able to catch her words.

"He's I what /I !" I felt like I had been punched in the gut. He already had a date? That couldn't be true…

Parvati's look softened. "He asked Lavender last week." She took a deep breath and muttered, "And she accepted."

Why wouldn't he have asked Lavender? She was pretty and charming and flirtatious. None of those adjectives could be attached to my name. Parvati always tried to deny the first one, but whether or not that was because we have the same face, I do not know. Intelligent, sure, but what did he care about that? The only virtue attributed to Ravenclaws. Not like the wonderful bravery of flashy, famous Gryffindors.

"Oh." I didn't know what else I could say.

"So, will you go with Ron?" she asked.

"Sure." Not like I really had a choice.

And so here I was, walking down the stairs, not awaited by Seamus, but by Ron. Though I told myself continually not to dwell on Seamus, I found myself preparing for the Ball with more care than I might have otherwise, re-braiding my hair with a gold ribbon three times before I deemed it presentable.

"There you are Padma!" Parvati yelled over the crowd and elbowing her way through. I felt like I was looking in a pink-tinted mirror. Her dress, hair, jewelry, and face were exactly the same as mine, except that her robes were pink instead of turquoise. She grabbed my elbow and yanked me over to where Ron Weasley and Harry Potter were standing.

I wasn't about to be a fashion snob, but I couldn't help but stare at his dress—yes, dress, for that was what it was. It was maroon velvet with ragged edges like he had ripped the hems off. I seriously hoped I wasn't going to the Ball with a cross-dresser.

I looked up at him and turned faintly pink as I tried to pretend I had not just been staring at his less-than-manly attire. " b Hi /b ," I muttered.

" b Hi /b ," he said, not even looking at me. He was looking around through the crowd. He must have seen something for he dunked behind Harry and whispered, "Oh no…" in a tone that plainly showed his mortification.

Why in the world had he even asked me to the Ball? Well, admittedly, he hadn't even asked me; that was Parvati but still. Ron obviously had no interest in me whatsoever.

A few moments later he stood up again and asked, " b Where I is /I Hermione?"

I vaguely wondered why he was looking for Hermione Granger, but I was more preoccupied with catching sight of Seamus. I couldn't find him.

Parvati was positively glowing a moment later when Professor McGonagall called for the champions to present themselves and their dates.

I spent all of dinner fantasizing about what it would have been like if I went with Seamus. The main difference would be that I would actually be enjoying myself. We'd be laughing, instead of staring into our plates in silence right now as Ron and I were doing.

It wasn't until Padma started yanking Harry around the dance floor that I saw I him /I . Swaying slowly to the music, Seamus stood in a far-off corner…with Lavender in his arms.

I glared at him, daring him to be dazzled by me. I wanted this to be my fairytale, where he'd see the made-up heroine and rush to her side, claiming that he had always loved her but had never realized it until this very moment.

But then I looked at his face. He was so incandescently, undeniably euphoric… His eyes clearly showed that he really did care for the girl in his arms and that there was no other place he would rather be right now than here with her.

I wanted to claw her eyes out.

For the past several months when he invaded my dreams, he had always looked happy, yes, but it was just a faint comparison to the positive glow he was emitting now. I never imagined anyone could look so blissful. He would blind the sun.

I hated to believe it, but I forced myself. It was Lavender, not me, and it never would be me. My heart had been torn from my body.

I realized that I was wrong. I thought he didn't care about my intellect.

Dead wrong.

It was the only part of me he I did /I like. I was just a study guide to him, the person who helped him with homework and made sure he was prepared for tests, but I wasn't actually even a I person /I to him.

I could feel the sting behind my eyes as they filled with tears. I was I not /I going to cry over some boy, especially if that boy did not think of me the way I thought of him. I looked away quickly and tried to find something to distract myself.

Parvati was no longer sitting at our table. I didn't know—or care—where she was. Hermione Granger was instead sitting in her seat, looking very different from her usual nerdy self in periwinkle dress robes. Her hair no longer looked like she had just yanked it free from a bush, but instead it was smooth and glittering in the light.

" b No it isn't! It's about winning! /b " Ron yelled, and I had to wonder if I was just so oblivious to everything that I hadn't realized they were rowing even when I was just a foot or so away.

Harry mumbled something to Ron, probably to try to get him to stop shouting as he was becoming something of a spectacle.

" b Why don't you go and find Vicky, he'll be wondering where you are, /b " said Ron, glaring vehemently at Hermione.

" b I Don't call him Vicky! /I /b " Hermione shouted, jumping up as if the chair was on fire and running across the dance floor, quickly losing herself in the crowd.

I felt like I had just completely missed something. Who was Vicky? And why did Ron seem to care so much about her…or maybe Vicky was a him.

I followed Ron's angry gaze, but I was surprised that his glare wasn't directed toward Hermione. It was Krum, Viktor Krum. But why was Ron calling him "Vicky"?

His gaze flickered toward Hermione, but his eyes were no longer filled with venom. Instead he looked…betrayed, like Hermione, who had always been someone he would have trusted with his life, had turned around and stabbed him in the heart.

It had always been common fact among all the Hogwarts students that, eventually, Hermione would end up with either Ron or Harry. That's just the way these fairytale trios work. I had a sudden suspicion which one it was going to be. Yet, here Ron was, sitting with me while Hermione was out there with someone else…Krum, maybe?

I knew my face had looked the same but a moment ago when I was looking at Seamus, but there was something different at the same time. There was anger, not the anger at Krum, though that was certainly there, but anger at himself. Anger at himself for not knowing why this was bothering him. I, on the other hand, knew perfectly well why Lavender bothered me so much, but Ron didn't seem to have a clue. He just knew he hated Krum with ever essence of his being but had no idea why.

Poor Hermione. She would have to eventually put up with his fury.

I Poor Ron… /I His fury would just be an expression of the pain he was feeling. Hermione obviously had his heart in her clutches without either of them actually realizing that. And she had stabbed it, without ever knowing she had.

I realized that Ron and I were in the same boat. A boat, which was sinking fast.

I No… /I 

In that moment, I felt my world shift. I was not going sink. I was going to jump ship before I could go down. I wouldn't pine in for some stupid boy who didn't care for me.

I looked up and saw Parvati dancing with a boy from Beauxbatons, looking free and elated.

I I want to look like that too… /I 

I turned to Ron. "Are you going to ask me to dance at all?" I asked. I didn't really care if he rejected me. I just wanted to be free of him, and I realized I meant both Ron and Seamus.

"No," he said, not even looking at me.

No matter. "Fine." I got up and went over to Parvati.

The boy from Beauxbatons looked at me critically for a moment, before calling over his shoulder.

Another boy was immediately at my side, bowing and saying, "Would you like to dance?"

I briefly looked over at Seamus, who was looking into Lavender's face with a rapturous expression.

"Yes," I said, smiling and taking his hand.

I glanced at Ron as I put my arms around the Beauxbatons boy's neck. I knew he wouldn't give up on Hermione as easily as I had given up on Seamus. Ron was a Gryffindor. Determination was in his blood. He would fight for her; he would die for her. Their relationship would not go without its struggles, its obstacles, but I knew they would see it through. They were too strong to just let their love just die.

But, perhaps, I was strong too. I was strong enough to give up when I realized my affections weren't returned.

I looked up at the Beauxbatons boy. He smiled at me. He was a much better dancer than Seamus anyway.

Whenever I imagined myself walking down the steps to the Great Hall for the Ball, I had never imagined that Ronald Weasley would be the one waiting for me at the bottom. I had always imagined Seamus waiting for me. I had waited and waited for him to ask me, but, of course, someone else had captured his attention first.

Even though I wasn't in the same house and had no classes with him, since term had started, I always seemed to run into him in the library.

There had been no empty tables, so I placed myself at the one with only one other person, Seamus, of course. At the time I really hadn't ever talked to him before, but I knew he was a fourth-year Gryffindor like Parvati.

He looked up in surprise when I sat down at his table and whispered, "Hi Parvati," in a voice, which clearly stated he disliked being at the table alone with me. After all, from an outsider, it would look as if…

"No, I'm Padma, Parvati's sister."

"Ah," he muttered and went back to his Astronomy homework.

After half an hour or so, he looked up, rather red, and murmured, "Uh, Padma, you're in Ravenclaw, right? Could you maybe help me with this?" and pushed forward an Astronomy chart.

I proceeded to help him with Astronomy, and soon we were laughing and talking about things other than homework. These study sessions soon became routine. I would always go to the library at the same time and see him sitting at the same table, patiently waiting for me to join him.

And soon, I found myself looking forward to the study sessions more and more.

_I liked him…_

Yes, it was certainly true that I liked him very much, but I had no idea how he felt about me.

I remember sitting in the Great Hall eating breakfast when I learned that my date was not going to be Seamus but that Ronald Weasley.

I was pushing my scrambled eggs around my plate. I wasn't really hungry. I simply couldn't believe that the Ball was so close, and Seamus still hadn't asked me. When I looked back at my eggs, I realized that they had been arranged like his face. I quickly stabbed them until they no longer resembled anything except a pile of massacred eggs.

"Padma!"

I kept my head down. It was Parvati. There was only one voice I wanted to hear.

"I have great news!" she said, shoving a few Ravenclaws out of the way and plopping herself down on the bench next to me.

"I suppose you've got yourself a date for the Ball, and now you're here to gloat about it?" I muttered, shoving a bite of egg into my mouth.

"Yes," she said, and I groaned. "But that's not why I'm here. I've come to tell you that you also have a date."

"Oh?" I looked up and tried to keep the hope out of my voice. Seamus was in her house, after all…

"Yeah, Ron Weasley."

I spit out the eggs and looked at her.

"Are you serious?" I asked, incredulous, as she daintily dabbed at the egg on her shirt.

"Of course I am! So, will you have him?"

I thought about it. I had only seen him in the corridors and heard stories about him. Never once had I ever actually spoken to him. But, still, I suppose it was an honor to be asked out, indirectly as it was, by him. I knew this might be my last chance at a date for the Ball, but I was still holding out for…

"What? Don't you want to go with him?" Parvati asked me impatiently.

"Well, I was kind of expecting someone else to ask me…" I muttered.

Her eyes lit up at this comment. "Ooh!" she squealed. "Who?"

I looked up for a moment and then stared back down. "You'll just laugh."

"No, I won't."

I sighed. I seriously doubted that she would keep her promise, but did it really matter if she knew? "It's Seamus, okay?"

I expected giggles to erupt from her, but she remained silent. After a moment curiosity overcame me, and I looked up. Her eyes were wide in shock, and she looked suddenly regretful.

"What?"

She recovered herself slightly and said carefully, "I don't think you should wait for Seamus."

"Why not?" I asked, apprehensive now.

"Well, to start off, he's a bit of a git," she said. "And he's a horrible dancer…and he already has a date." The last part came out in a rush as if it could come out so quickly I wouldn't be able to catch her words.

"He's _what_!" I felt like I had been punched in the gut. He already had a date? That couldn't be true…

Parvati's look softened. "He asked Lavender last week." She took a deep breath and muttered, "And she accepted."

Why wouldn't he have asked Lavender? She was pretty and charming and flirtatious. None of those adjectives could be attached to my name. Parvati always tried to deny the first one, but whether or not that was because we have the same face, I do not know. Intelligent, sure, but what did he care about that? The only virtue attributed to Ravenclaws. Not like the wonderful bravery of flashy, famous Gryffindors.

"Oh." I didn't know what else I could say.

"So, will you go with Ron?" she asked.

"Sure." Not like I really had a choice.

And so here I was, walking down the stairs, not awaited by Seamus, but by Ron. Though I told myself continually not to dwell on Seamus, I found myself preparing for the Ball with more care than I might have otherwise, re-braiding my hair with a gold ribbon three times before I deemed it presentable.

"There you are Padma!" Parvati yelled over the crowd and elbowing her way through. I felt like I was looking in a pink-tinted mirror. Her dress, hair, jewelry, and face were exactly the same as mine, except that her robes were pink instead of turquoise. She grabbed my elbow and yanked me over to where Ron Weasley and Harry Potter were standing.

I wasn't about to be a fashion snob, but I couldn't help but stare at his dress–yes, dress, for that was what it was. It was maroon velvet with ragged edges like he had ripped the hems off. I seriously hoped I wasn't going to the Ball with a cross-dresser.

I looked up at him and turned faintly pink as I tried to pretend I had not just been staring at his less-than-manly attire. "**Hi**," I muttered.

"**Hi**," he said, not even looking at me. He was looking around through the crowd. He must have seen something for he dunked behind Harry and whispered, "**Oh no…**" in a tone that plainly showed his mortification.

Why in the world had he even asked me to the Ball? Well, admittedly, he hadn't even asked me; that was Parvati but still. Ron obviously had no interest in me whatsoever.

A few moments later he stood up again and asked, "**Where **_**is**_** Hermione?**"

I vaguely wondered why he was looking for Hermione Granger, but I was more preoccupied with catching sight of Seamus. I couldn't find him.

Parvati was positively glowing a moment later when Professor McGonagall called for the champions to present themselves and their dates.

I spent all of dinner fantasizing about what it would have been like if I went with Seamus. The main difference would be that I would actually be enjoying myself. We'd be laughing, instead of staring into our plates in silence right now as Ron and I were doing.

It wasn't until Padma started yanking Harry around the dance floor that I saw _him_. Swaying slowly to the music, Seamus stood in a far-off corner…with Lavender in his arms.

I glared at him, daring him to be dazzled by me. I wanted this to be my fairytale, where he'd see the made-up heroine and rush to her side, claiming that he had always loved her but had never realized it until this very moment.

But then I looked at his face. He was so incandescently, undeniably euphoric… His eyes clearly showed that he really did care for the girl in his arms and that there was no other place he would rather be right now than here with her.

I wanted to claw her eyes out.

For the past several months when he invaded my dreams, he had always looked happy, yes, but it was just a faint comparison to the positive glow he was emitting now. I never imagined anyone could look so blissful. He would blind the sun.

I hated to believe it, but I forced myself. It was Lavender, not me, and it never would be me. My heart had been torn from my body.

I realized that I was wrong. I thought he didn't care about my intellect.

Dead wrong.

It was the only part of me he _did_ like. I was just a study guide to him, the person who helped him with homework and made sure he was prepared for tests, but I wasn't actually even a _person_ to him.

I could feel the sting behind my eyes as they filled with tears. I was _not_ going to cry over some boy, especially if that boy did not think of me the way I thought of him. I looked away quickly and tried to find something to distract myself.

Parvati was no longer sitting at our table. I didn't know–or care–where she was. Hermione Granger was instead sitting in her seat, looking very different from her usual nerdy self in periwinkle dress robes. Her hair no longer looked like she had just yanked it free from a bush, but instead it was smooth and glittering in the light.

"**No it isn't! It's about winning!**" Ron yelled, and I had to wonder if I was just so oblivious to everything that I hadn't realized they were rowing even when I was just a foot or so away.

Harry mumbled something to Ron, probably to try to get him to stop shouting as he was becoming something of a spectacle.

"**Why don't you go and find Vicky, he'll be wondering where you are,**" said Ron, glaring vehemently at Hermione.

"_**Don't call him Vicky!**_" Hermione shouted, jumping up as if the chair was on fire and running across the dance floor, quickly losing herself in the crowd.

I felt like I had just completely missed something. Who was Vicky? And why did Ron seem to care so much about him.

I followed Ron's angry gaze, but I was surprised that his glare wasn't directed toward Hermione. It was Krum, Viktor Krum. But why was Ron calling him "Vicky"?

His gaze flickered toward Hermione, but his eyes were no longer filled with venom. Instead he looked…betrayed, like Hermione, who had always been someone he would have trusted with his life, had turned around and stabbed him in the heart.

It had always been common fact among all the Hogwarts students that, eventually, Hermione would end up with either Ron or Harry. That's just the way these fairytale trios work. I had a sudden suspicion which one it was going to be. Yet, here Ron was, sitting with me while Hermione was out there with someone else…Krum, maybe?

I knew my face had looked the same but a moment ago when I was looking at Seamus, but there was something different at the same time. There was anger, not the anger at Krum, though that was certainly there, but anger at himself. Anger at himself for not knowing why this was bothering him. I, on the other hand, knew perfectly well why Lavender bothered me so much, but Ron didn't seem to have a clue. He just knew he hated Krum with ever essence of his being but had no idea why.

Poor Hermione. She would have to eventually put up with his fury.

_Poor Ron…_ His fury would just be an expression of the pain he was feeling. Hermione obviously had his heart in her clutches without either of them actually realizing that. And she had stabbed it, without ever knowing she had.

I realized that Ron and I were in the same boat. A boat, which was sinking fast.

_No…_

In that moment, I felt my world shift. I was not going sink. I was going to jump ship before I could go down. I wouldn't pine in for some stupid boy who didn't care for me.

I looked up and saw Parvati dancing with a boy from Beauxbatons, looking free and elated.

_I want to look like that too…_

I turned to Ron. "Are you going to ask me to dance at all?" I asked. I didn't really care if he rejected me. I just wanted to be free of him, and I realized I meant both Ron and Seamus.

"No," he said, not even looking at me.

No matter. "Fine." I got up and went over to Parvati.

The boy from Beauxbatons looked at me critically for a moment, before calling over his shoulder.

Another boy was immediately at my side, bowing and saying, "Would you like to dance?"

I briefly looked over at Seamus, who was looking into Lavender's face with a rapturous expression.

"Yes," I said, smiling and taking his hand.

I glanced at Ron as I put my arms around the Beauxbatons boy's neck. I knew he wouldn't give up on Hermione as easily as I had given up on Seamus. Ron was a Gryffindor. Determination was in his blood. He would fight for her; he would die for her. Their relationship would not go without its struggles, its obstacles, but I knew they would see it through. They were too strong to just let their love just die.

But, perhaps, I was strong too. I was strong enough to give up when I realized my affections weren't returned.

I looked up at the Beauxbatons boy. He smiled at me. He was a much better dancer than Seamus anyway.


End file.
